Leave Me Alone, Please

On behalf of my wife and I, This post is for all of those waitresses and waiters out there, especially at The Olive Garden, who too frequently visit our table while we are eating to see how we are doing and if we need anything else. Trust me when I say that we are fine and if we are in dire need of something, one of us will track you down the next time you walk by. If we didn't need a new soda or extra cheese on our Tour of Italy or shrimp fettuccine two minutes ago, odds are we are not going to need it now. I find it extremely frustrating when I am trying to have a pleasant conversation with my wife and I am continuously interrupted with, "Is your food okay?" Do you really have that little confidence in your food that you must ask repeatedly if we are enjoying it? Should I be worried about my food for some reason? Did it fall on the floor or is it laced with some sort of narcotic? If so, then we have a whole other issue that needs to be addressed. I'm fine! Leave me alone, please, and let me and my wife eat in peace. Thank you.

Oh, one more thing. We would like you to visit our table at the end of the meal to give us our check so we can leave and finish our errands. See, we sort of expected you to be visiting our table every minute on the minute, so when you disappear for 15 minutes after we are done eating, we get a little frustrated. To summarize, come less often during the meal unless you see that we need something - in that case just bring it and don't feel the need to converse with us - and come more often at the end of the meal to get our plates off of the table and give us our check. Geesh!

UPDATE: Dear Olive Garden waitress, If you belong to this group, please disregard this open letter of hatred and accept my sincere apologies.

UPDATE #2: Boy, did I have some spelling errors in that post. They have been corrected. I hope this doesn't hurt my street cred with the literary circle in academia.