Ka-Ching! ... Not

I will be the first to admit that I know very little about money. I've taken the advice of many and invested in 401K and 403B plans, but in all honesty, I have no idea what they are. I just know what they are supposed to do for me in the future.

What I am smart enough to grasp, however, is that this most recent financial crisis is absolutely maddening. Two days ago both presidential candidates opposed any sort of government bailout of financial giant AIG. By the end of that day, when news was announced that the government was pumping almost $600 billion to bailout AIG, both candidates changed their tune, saying that it was necessary in order for our financial system to survive.

This morning news came that the government is also going to assume almost $500 billion dollars in bad bank debt, which was created when banks practically started giving away mortgages like candy. If you're keeping tabs here, that's $1.1 TRILLION dollars that the tax payers -- yes, that's you and me -- must now pay. Math proof time -- $1.1 trillion divided by roughly 301 million Americans equals about $3,650 extra that we are going to have to pay in taxes to clean up Wall Street's mess. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have $3,650 just sitting around. How does the government suggest we pay this when gas prices are at record levels, the price to heat and cool our homes keeps rising, a gallon of milk is $4.50, and employers can't even promise to keep up with the COLA - or that you will even have a job next year - due to budget cuts?

This whole system just doesn't make any sense to me - and I consider myself a pretty smart person. Is there anyone in our government looking out for the average American? All I know is that a relocation to Switzerland is looking more and more appealing.

Imaginationland wins an Emmy!

The minute I saw this year's Emmy nominations, I was hoping and praying for the moment when I would hear that Imaginationland, Trey Parker and Matt Stone's brilliant South Park trilogy, was an Emmy winner. Well, that day is finally here. If you haven't seen these three South Park episodes, stop reading this immediately and go do yourself a favor and watch them!

I got the news from this article, which contains quite possibly the best sentence I've ever read;

Our congratulations go out to Matt and Trey and the entire South Park team for their win for the "Imaginationland" episode, which at press time marks the first time in Emmy history an award was given to a storyline involving one character placing another character's balls in his mouth.

Now, don't you want to watch that?

This is my life

The following is a real depiction of my everyday life:

Me: "So, after all the music I said I wanted to buy on iTunes I just ended up buying Hanson."

Wife: [With quite possibly the biggest look of disappointment I've ever seen on her face] "Babe."

Me: "What? I know, I know...But I mean, just listen."

Wife: [Walking out of the door] Goodnight.

Me: "I can't help it. I'm a fan and I'm not going to be ashamed."

Now, I'm just sitting here alone listening to Hanson. What's wrong with me?

Officially Old

I realized tonight a very sad truth that I am no longer young. I suppose one could make the argument that the fact that I'm attempting to "live-blog" the MTV VMA Awards says something about my youth, but what's more telling is that I literally do not understand anything that is happening on this show!

Let's start with the host, Russel Brand. Who is he and why is he hosting this show? All I can say as I watch this show on TV is, "What is he saying?" or "Wow, this guy is saying some really inappropriate stuff about the Jonas Brothers and Madonna." The fact that I'm slightly offended by his attempt at humor is clue #1 that I am getting older.

Then there's the aforementioned Jonas Brothers. I don't really understand why they are famous, though, this is coming from someone who's been a Hanson fan for years. This means that I am being hypocritical just because a younger generation finds the appeal in something I don't and I'm criticizing something simply because I don't understand it, like parents in the 80s criticized hair bands or Miami Vice (thank you Youth and the Media classes at Ithaca). This is clue #2 that I'm getting older.

I consider myself a lover of all music. While rap isn't exactly my favorite music, I can appreciate some of it. Yet clue #3 that I'm getting old is that as Lil Wayne or Young Jeezy (they're both the same, right?) was performing all I could think was, "This is just noise," in the same voice my grandma would say it when I was listening to the Lion King soundtrack.

But, I don't feel so bad about all of this, honestly. See, as I write this, Slash just took the stage to present an award and my lovely wife said, "Is Slash still relevant? I mean, what's up with that hat?" Years ago we probably would have been all over that sh**. Now, we're just two old geezers who need to get to bed because it's approaching 10:15 p.m.

Note: Before I could save and post this, Pink took the stage to perform her new song, So What. The final clue that I'm not as young as I once was is that I thought to myself, "Hmm, I could get into this song," but then changed my mind after she stuck her tongue out and made a fart noise at the end of her song. Apparently, I found that wildly inappropriate.