Ka-Ching! ... Not

I will be the first to admit that I know very little about money. I've taken the advice of many and invested in 401K and 403B plans, but in all honesty, I have no idea what they are. I just know what they are supposed to do for me in the future.

What I am smart enough to grasp, however, is that this most recent financial crisis is absolutely maddening. Two days ago both presidential candidates opposed any sort of government bailout of financial giant AIG. By the end of that day, when news was announced that the government was pumping almost $600 billion to bailout AIG, both candidates changed their tune, saying that it was necessary in order for our financial system to survive.

This morning news came that the government is also going to assume almost $500 billion dollars in bad bank debt, which was created when banks practically started giving away mortgages like candy. If you're keeping tabs here, that's $1.1 TRILLION dollars that the tax payers -- yes, that's you and me -- must now pay. Math proof time -- $1.1 trillion divided by roughly 301 million Americans equals about $3,650 extra that we are going to have to pay in taxes to clean up Wall Street's mess. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have $3,650 just sitting around. How does the government suggest we pay this when gas prices are at record levels, the price to heat and cool our homes keeps rising, a gallon of milk is $4.50, and employers can't even promise to keep up with the COLA - or that you will even have a job next year - due to budget cuts?

This whole system just doesn't make any sense to me - and I consider myself a pretty smart person. Is there anyone in our government looking out for the average American? All I know is that a relocation to Switzerland is looking more and more appealing.

These Hard Times

I don't often write about politics or the state of our Union, but with things going the way they are in this country, it's hard to sit by and say nothing. I just heard on The Nightly News that many professionals in the energy and oil business strongly believe that gas prices will hit $6 a gallon, at least, by the end of this summer. That is ridiculous.

Because of the rise in oil prices, American Airlines has decided to charge for any checked baggage, a service that has always been free. People will no longer be able to travel period if this continues. It's only a matter of time before bus, train and metro prices rise to level of airfare.

Truckers are using cocaine and speed to stay awake so that they can make more deliveries because the gas prices are so bad. So now when we are driving to work (which we soon will not be able to afford) we are at risk of getting killed by a coked-out truck driver trying to deliver cases of oil to Jiffy Lube, whose Signature Service will most likey soon rise to $400 every three months.

All of this while companies like Exxon-Mobile and BP report record profits in the tens of billions! BILLIONS! Yet, Americans can't not buy gas. Even if we take public transportation, it takes gasoline to get a bus or train moving. No one is proposing a viable alternative to oil as an energy source. Why? Because oil makes people ridiculously rich and as long as those people are rich, they will have power...power to keep things running exactly the way they have been and will be for years to come. We need to find a better way to do things before we're all forced to give up entertainment, Christmas, cell phones, general hygiene products, food and Nintendo Wii. If we don't, we are all going to die of ragey-rabies sooner than we think!

Perez Elects Next President

I have officially seen it all in regard to this presidential election. Our society is bordering on ridiculousness when well established news organizations imply that people like Perez Hilton (yes, PEREZ HILTON!!) singlehandedly helped a presidential candidate win the votes of young people and women just because of his endorsement. Here's a newsflash for the media -- just because people use the Internet and like to read about pop culture does not mean that they blindly cast a vote for whoever the author of their fourteenth favorite blog endorses.

Also, newsflash for Sam Donaldson, who has been anchoring the news in some capacity for over 25 years -- The Internet was created decades ago and blogs aren't exactly a new technology. Is it really that inconceivable that Perez Hilton wrote a post about who he endorses for president AND one about a pregnant person -- in the same day!? Do you even know what a blog is?

After watching this video I have decided that I want to crawl in a hole loaded with Flight of the Conchords and How I Met Your Mother DVDs, Cheez-It's, and Sheryl's new album and not come out until this election is officially over. Can't we just have one day - just ONE day - where we don't have to hear how Perez Hilton elected the president or see Tim Russert blow his load all over the Today Show set because this race is just "so exciting?" Please? Ugh, I didn't think so. Hole, here I come.

Boycotting Best Buy

I never thought I'd say this, but I am officially boycotting Best Buy due to their crass handling of Heath Ledger's passing. Now, I am level-headed enough to know that this was most likely an incident concentrated at one Best Buy location posted by one soulless, tasteless, devilish assistant manager and not a company-wide initiative. However, until Best Buy publicly apologizes for their employee's behavior and sends him or her to the fiery pits of hell where they belong, I will refuse to shop there (unless they beat Circuit City to the punch and get some Nintendo Wii's in stock...I mean, damn!)

A Caucus? In Iowa?

For over an entire year now, all the American people have been hearing about is how incredibly important the Iowa Caucus will be for the future of our country. I've been so sick of hearing about the caucus that I try not to even think about what is happening today. But, it seems that I can no longer put off thinking about this paramount event in U.S. history. Today, my little brain, already stuffed to the gills with useless information, finally woke up and cried, "What the hell is a caucus? And why in the hell is it in Iowa of all states?"

I went to ThisNation.com to find out the answers I've so desperately avoided knowing. Here's what I learned:

Iowa's process for choosing between presidential candidates is unique among the fifty United States. Every other state has a more traditional primary election in which registered voters can cast their ballots for the candidates they prefer. In Iowa, however, voters in each political party attend separate, small meetings, or caucuses, in towns and neighborhoods across the state. Caucuses are held at the precinct level in schools, fire stations and sometimes even in individual's homes (Say Whaaaa? I want a caucus in my house!).

At the caucuses, those in attendance indicate their support for the candidates competing for each party's presidential nomination. In the Democratic party caucuses, votes are cast by raising hands (are you f-ing serious?), a sign-in sheet (no, seriously...this can't be right) or by splitting into groups supporting each candidate (oh...I get it...it's KINDERGARTEN!). In the Republican caucuses, votes are cast by secret ballot (paranoid bastards).

The results of the caucus voting, however, do not directly determine which candidate will win the support of Iowa's voters for the presidential nomination (Oh, so it's pretty much pointless. Just as I thought.) Both party's state conventions are held in June. Only then, when state convention delegates cast their votes for delegates to the national party conventions, that Iowa's preferred presidential candidate's in each major party will be determined.

Ahhh, isn't democracy easy and fun? I can't wait to hear the explosive results of such a riveting event for the next week. Oh yeah, and I also found out that the caucus is held in Iowa because that state is lame, just like the caucus itself.