Monday, April 23, 2007

In a South Park World

I've recently been criticized that I live in a South Park world. Some of you may be asking, "What's a South Park world?" Well, one might define the term as things that I think would be funny that in the "real world" are, in fact, not funny and actually quite serious. Here are a few examples:

1) I often think it would be funny if a car explodes on the highway IF AND ONLY IF the car is occupied by a driver who rides your bumper while you are going 70 mph then passes you in anger as their speed inches closer to the 100 mph mark.



2) Sometimes I get the urge to run over people in motorized wheelchairs IF AND ONLY IF they are traveling at a snails pace across a crosswalk. I understand the people are handicapped, but the motorized wheelchairs aren't. Can't they go faster than a foot per hour? If not, there is a serious design flaw there.



3) When I see morbidly obese people eating the largest size ice cream available at ColdStone Creamery, I sometimes hope that they will literally explode. Maybe then they will understand that the amount of ice cream they eat will indeed end up killing them some day.



4) I've always thought it would be hilarious if a dolphin at one of those dolphin trick Seaworld-type shows missed a trick and ended up jumping out of the tank and landing on someone in the front row.



That's all of the humor I can take for now. If you also think these things would be funny, please speak up so I don't feel so alone.

Friday, April 20, 2007

10 Piece Media McNuggets 4/20/07

I didn't think I was going to be able to post the Nuggets this week, but I just couldn't let you guys down. Plus, when you start to have people send you links to post, you know it's catching on. I think Media McNuggets can turn into the next dance craze, a la the Macarena, if we try hard enough. This installment might me music video heavy, but they're worth it.

10. So, I didn't like this song at first. All I ever heard was, "Life is great but sometimes life ain't good" from the iTunes 30 second clip, and I would just roll my eyes and dismiss the song. Then I heard the whole song and it suddenly all came together for me.

9. Another Gray's Anatomy song to get into (and then hate 3 months from now because it's so overplayed)

8. It kinda seems like My Name is Earl is stretching a bit too much for only being in its second season.

7. Go see Blades of Glory! It's more Zoolander than Talladega, and I'm pretty sure this is not how real pairs lifts are done.

6. I really wanted to post a clip of the Digital Short that was on SNL this past week. "Hey guys, I just thought of the funniest thing!" If anyone can find it, please send it to me. So not really a nugget, but more like one of those crippled nasty pieces of fried crudiness that gets tossed in with your Nuggets.

UPDATE - watch the hilarious Digital Short, Dear Sister, now!

5. I'm digging this song. The British bad girl thing? Not so much.

4. This is just...hmmm, funny?

3. Poor Cheetah. This does not sound like a fun zoo!

2. If this show were about mayonnaise, I might have been on it. Thanks Pete for the link!

And the number 1 Media McNugget of the week...

1. I know it's sweeping YouTube, but holy crap is this video funny. I'm glad I never had to deal with Pearl. Check out Ferrell and partner Adam McKay's site, Funny or Die, for more hysterical videos.

I'd just like to add that 6 months from today, I will be a married man. So get it while you can!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The world is right again

I've been trying very hard not to talk about Idol because 1) I'm ashamed that it consumes my life so much and 2) everyone else has talked ad nauseam about every aspect of the show, but I just couldn't resist today.

THANK GOD (!) Sanjaya is finally off of that freaking show. I have to admit that I secretly wanted him to win so I would have an excuse not to watch next year. There's often an inner battle inside of me brewing as to why I watch a show that aggravates me so much. I could probably go back to school and write a thesis on why I hate American Idol so much, yet, just like the rest of America, I keep watching. Why is this show so addicting? Is it really a good tragicomedy or am I afraid that by not watching, I'll be missing out in some way? Who knows.

I'm just glad I'll no longer have to see this:



or this




EVERY SINGLE FREAKING SHOW!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Friday Night Nights

Normally, I would wait to share something like this with everyone during my Friday Media McNuggets round up, but I just thought this was too funny. In fact, it may be the most important video of the world.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame - Round 4


Neil beat Spider, hands down, in the previous round (and if Chris has anything to say about, "Talking Can" would have beat Neil as well).

Neil now faces the guy pictured above (sorry for the crappy picture), a minor movie character in Austin Powers Goldmember. He's so minor that I don't know the actor or character name. However, you don't know how many times I rewound the DVD to watch the split second where drool falls out of his mouth in the "Hard Knock Life" scene. In fact, one time I had to book it to the bathroom in fear that I'd pee my pants. The scene can be found in Chapter 5 of the DVD 35 minutes and 55 seconds in.

Who moves on?

At the mercy of Cowell


I finally gave into the hype last night and officially entered one of my songs into the American Idol songwriting competition. For those of you who know my music, I entered "I'm Gonna Go Somewhere" because they were looking for an inspirational song that might mirror the journey of the Idol contestants. I have a new song that I wrote a few months ago, but I couldn't record it in time.

Anyway, the point of this is, if I am selected as one of the top 20 songs, then the American public can vote for my song. If this happens, which is very unlikely, then you all must quit your jobs and dedicate your entire day to continuously voting for my song. If this commitment is too much, I suggest you stop reading this blog immediately. No, seriously. Stop reading. Press the big X in the corner and never come back. Dude, for real. Fine, I'm just going to ignore you until you leave...

Ugh, fine! Stay. Leave a comment while you're at it.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame - Round 3


Joe Lo Truglio plays Neil in Wet Hot American Summer. His scenes stuck in a whitewater raft are absolutely hilarious. If memory serves me correctly, there is a really funny long shot of Neil when they are getting the raft out of the water...but I might be thinking of a different movie.

So according to the overwhelming amount of comments received in the last round of the MMCHOF, Spider beat out Wendy. It's now Spider against Neil. Who wins?

10 Piece Media McNuggets 4/13/07

I have some good Media McNuggets to share with you this week, so lets get started.

10. This game got me through the latest episode of the Real World/Road Rules challenge . If you can make it to where you're six points ahead of your opponent, there's a surprise in store for you (AKA, don't play at work).

9. 24 - Okay, I think we all agree that this season sucks. However, credit the show this week for bringing back a character that we are actually somewhat invested in.

8. Ever feel the urge to send out a heart-warming personal letter? Me either...but should you desire to in the future, maybe this letterhead would be nice.

7. I can't get enough stories about stupid criminals.

6. 30 Rock. The show is really hitting its stride. I'm especially loving the C story of Tracy Jordan playing Thomas Jefferson in a movie. Who knew that by the end of this TV season more people would be talking about 30 Rock then Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

5. I don't know how I feel about this whole Justin.tv project. When I go to the site though, I have to say it's fascinating. According to his schedule, he's seeing Disturbia tonight. Maybe we can see it for free?

4. I love/hate this site. Love it because it keeps me updated on all of the concerts happening around here (you can search for your city too). Hate it because I have a feeling I'm going to start spending too much money on concerts.

3. Okay, so not a media clip per se, but has anybody else tried Coke Zero? If you like the taste of Coke and the dietary benefits of Diet Coke, then Coke Zero is the beverage for you. I'm sure in 20 years a study will be released that Coke Zero causes Cancer-ridden AIDS.

2. Moses Mayfield. I know I've talked about them before, but I finally got my CD this week. All I can say is go out and get the CD now! The music rocks, the songwriting is phenomenal and the production is top-rate for an unknown band. For some reason, they remind me a little of Vertical Horizon when they first came out.

And the number one Media McNugget of the week is...

1. Mat Kearney/Rocco DeLucca and the Burden/The Feeling. I saw them in concert on Monday and man was it great. The Feeling was okay (the bass player just kept running around everywhere), Rocco can play the hell out of a steel guitar (though his songs were a little inconsistent), and Mat Kearney was perfection. You could tell he was digging the crowd and the crowd was digging him. Hey, I was even a part of the show for 10 seconds!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

"Sluts" OK, "Hos" Not

So, the Don Imus fallout and subsequent press coverage continues yet another day. But today I am not upset about it only because it led me to this article, which made me laugh out loud. Is it bad that I kinda want to meet former MSNBC anchor Michael Savage after reading this?

Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame - Round 2


Valeria Andrews plays Wendy in Just Married. She is remembered for uttering the lines, "Oh...My...God! OHMYGODILOVETHISSONG!" and "That was the longest freaking piss in Italian history." Thank you Valeria for your contribution to film history.

So far we have the character of Wendy in Just Married and Spider in School of Rock in our Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame. Which is a better pick? Which character contributed more in making the movie better? Let me know in the comments section.

Quote of the Day


"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words."
--Ellen Degeneres

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Where Is This Train

I wrote this lyric about a year ago and just stumbled upon it again. After a major rewrite, I'm posting it for you guys. I think this will be the next recording, if I can get my act together.

I see the red lights of the cars
And I feel things slowing down
I see the falling of the crossing bars
Everybody cries out loud
We’re all gathered here today
And we wait and wait and wait

Where is this train?
Where is this train?
I see all the signs but I don’t see a thing
Where is this train?
Where is this train?
I feel it here but I don’t know where it’s heading

I see the city in my past
But I just can’t break away
Don’t want to hold on to the things I left
Guess the choice is not mine to make
My idle state creates a good excuse
To turn around and head home back to you, but I don’t want to

Where is this train?
Where is this train?
I see all the signs but I don’t see a thing
Where is this train?
Where is this train?
I feel it here but I don’t know where it’s heading

I keep hearing that the day is gonna come
When we’ll all face the things that we have done

So I sit here in the quiet with some people who don’t know my name
We’re all looking for the answer and it’s clear that we are all the same
We all wanna know, “Where is this train?

Where is this train?
Where is this train?
I see all the signs but I don’t see a thing
Where is this train?
Where is this train?
Where is it? Where is it heading?

©2007

Don't Even Get Me Started

Check out this classic Jeanie Darcy skit from season 26 of SNL (UPDATE: link is not directly taking you to the video. Click on the link and then go to Seasons --> #26 ---> third video down). Molly Shannon sometimes gets overlooked when talking about classic SNL players, but she was one of the reasons I kept tuning in every Saturday night. I couldn't find a picture of the washed-up second rate comic that she portrays, but it's something of a cross between the pictures below. Enjoy...

Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame


Random movie character alert!

I thought it would be a good idea to start a feature highlighting minor movie characters. These will be characters who were barely in the movie, but who did just enough to stick out in my mind.

The first character inducted into the "Minor Movie Character Hall of Fame" is Spider from the movie School of Rock (which coincidently I hear is Pete's favorite movie). Though there are plenty of characters to remember in this movie, Spider sticks out for the way he "grooves" while playing guitar as a member of Jack Black's rival band. He's also great in the scene pictured above with Joan Cusack. Check out the movie if you haven't already. Pete and I give it two thumbs way up!

Imus Schmimus


I just couldn't hold myself back from talking about this whole Don Imus "controversy" any longer. The problem in my situation is that I don't even know the original comments that reignited this whole debate on sexism and racism in our country. If I'm being honest, I don't even really know who Don Imus is. I know he has a radio show that's also televised, but who doesn't have their own show or soapbox these days? Anyway, I digress.

Why is it that anytime someone says something remotely sexist or racist it dominates the airwaves for an entire week, as if the whole country is glued to their seats wondering what will happen to Don Imus next? The worst is how talk shows (yes Today Show, I'm talking about you) try to turn the story into something positive. Today I heard that this situation is "A great opportunity to open up the dialog on sexism, racism and contradiction in our society." I thought Michael Richard's racist remark was going to open up that dialog. If not him, I was certain that Mel Gibson's Malibu meltdown would be the catalyst to solve all of our problems.

People, just get over it. The state of racism, sexism, classism, ageism, and every other ism won't change overnight just like I won't wake up tomorrow and change what cereal I eat for breakfast or what types of music I do and don't like. People are set in their ways and that's that. So I suggest we stop talking about Don Imus and continue talking about Sanjaya and Britney Spears, the things that really matter.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

10 Piece Media McNuggets

It's time again for another 10 Piece Media McNuggets roundup. This week's batch is a doozy. Hope you enjoy.

10. This story is just insane. Even if he was just kidding, it's still the most disturbing joke I've heard in a very long time.

9. A respected artist taking on "My Humps?" I don't quite know how to feel about that.

8. Let the blogging revolution begin. Christoff has joined the fray.

7. This is when you know it's a slow news week.

6. Oh how I miss required reading. I learned quite a bit from reading the Cliff's Notes version of Invisible Man.

5. This video was really making me laugh up until the disturbing ending.

4. I really enjoyed reading this list of the definitive 200 albums. While I certainly don't agree with all of the picks, I do have to say I'm happy to see the Dixie Chicks on the list three times (and I have a feeling this list was decided upon after the release/success of Taking the Long Way, the Chicks best album of all).

3. At some point, you have to just feel sorry for this guy

2. The Office. Okay, it wasn't the greatest episode of them all, but at least it's back with new episodes.

And my top pick of the week is...

1. Come Early Morning, starring Ashley Judd. It's a shame small, understated movies like this don't get the recognition they deserve. Look for Judd's next movie, Bug, this May.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Moses Mayfield

New artist alert! I saw Moses Mayfield with Pete Yorn two weeks ago and I kinda forgot to check out more of their music until today. They had the rebellious rocker act down, but their music was surprisingly catchy, inspired and thought-provoking (to their credit, the lead singer said it was something like their 8th show in a row and they hadn't slept in days...and they were very appreciative to the crowd). My CDs in the mail, so hopefully I'll have some more positive things to say about them in the future. Until then, check out Fall Behind, Wait My Turn and The Inside on iTunes, or buy their album now. You can check them out on MySpace too, if that's your thing.

Monday, April 2, 2007

It's official

Nothing much to write about tonight, but I'll take this opportunity to link to one of my favorite SNL skits to come along in the past five years. Some argue that the show just isn't funny anymore, but I beg to differ. You can find one really funny skit in every show and once a season a skit will come along that makes you spit out your water and pee your pants laughing. Enjoy...