Just stop advertising

Every time I sign out of Yahoo I see an ad for Classmates.com. I don't have much to say about it, other than I hate it. Here are the reasons why...

1) Does anyone even use classmates.com? Chances are if you didn't stay in close contact with someone from high school, there's a reason why. And if I do get the inclination to look someone up in a few years, I'd rather find someone cool who embraces MySpace instead of someone who resorts to using classmates.com

2) That poor ugly duckling in the photo! Why tease her like that? "Hey Sharon, we have an opportunity for you. Just give us your high school photo and we'll make sure you're in advertisements all around the world." Poor Sharon.

3) Why are there buttons EVERYWHERE? There's seriously too many buttons. They need to make like the Pussycat Dolls and loosen up their buttons.

So here is my plea to Classmates.com. Please stop using this ad and please go out of business. You are taking up precious space on the world wide web for nothing.

Maneater

Hands down, the best part of being a groom is choosing the reception play list. In my search to find good music to play the night of my wedding, I came across the amazing duo of Daryl Hall and John Oats. Can I just ask how in the world these two became famous? (See picture below)...



...and in my search for Hall and Oats pictures, it just keeps getting better.



I don't know what's creepier -- the sensual gazes between Hall and Oats, or the fact that Tracey apparently knows their entire back catalog.

Watch out for a John Oats style mustache on my wedding day.

Favorite Song of the Day

I know some of you are just driving or walking around thinking, "What in the hell is Steven listening to these days?" Well fear not you crazy inquisitors! I present to you my favorite song of the day. Today's edition: One Headlight by The Wallflowers. I know, I know...it's an oldie, but oh, such a goodie! Maybe it will be your favorite song of tomorrow. Beware, the video below might take a while to load.


One Headlight Lyrics

Attack of the Birds

The following is a series of pictures that illustrates what it's like when I walk out of my house.






I also have a feeling that some of the thousands of birds that live outside of our house have fallen in with the wrong crowd and are now in a bird gang out to eat other birds' babies. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm mauled to death by an Oriole. Pray for me.

The PH craze

Since everyone likes to replace the V in my name with a PH, and since phat became the best thing since sliced bread, I've decided to embrace the PH instead of fighting against it. So, I ask, why stop at phat? There are plenty of other words that could use a PH makeover...

1) Phine - as in, "You're so phine you blow my mind" or "You want me to do the dishes? Phine! I'll do the damn dishes!"

2) Phantastic! - as in, "I had some phantastic crab legs the other day."

3) Phart - as in, "Please don't phart on me ever again. That junk is nasty."

4) Phig Newtons - as in, "Damn these Phig Newtons are tasty!"

5) Phootball - as in, "I wish it was September so I could start watching phootball again."

6) Phree - as in, "That shirt was actually phree because I stole it."

7) Phenom - as in, "Some snakes can kill you with their phenom" (hey, if they can change Steven to Stephen, I can change venom to phenom.)

I hope these new words make it into your daily vocabulary. Pheel phree to add any that I may have left out.

The Life and Times of Poops Flannigan

Creating an alter ego is hard these days. With so many TV shows and movies about comic book heroes out there, finding a good superhero that hasn't already been created is a challenge. I believe, however, that there is a character yet to be created -- one with such a riveting story, it will capture the imaginations of all Americans, or at least those who read this blog. I debut for you the first chapter in the life of Poops Flannigan.

Poops was born in the Irish quarters of New York City in 1961 to a bar-owner father named Tommy and a bread-maker mother named Deloris. His first act as a member of the human race was releasing an impressive Cosby, hence the name Poops. He was teased as a child for never being able to control his bowels in public.

Rock bottom for Poops was an embarrassing trip to the community pool, where after a glorious swan dive off the platform diving board, Poops turned the pool into his own personal toilet. Everyone at the pool began making fun of Poops, pointing and laughing until, finally he mustered up the courage to get out of the pool and walk shamefully back to his row house. It was that very day when Poops became determined to turn his unfortunate condition into something positive.

But there was someone else, someone evil, who saw Poops that day. This villainous man finally saw an opportunity to use Poops to carry out his plan of global destruction...

More on Poops Flannigan in Chapter two, The Hotel Years.