A Caucus? In Iowa?

For over an entire year now, all the American people have been hearing about is how incredibly important the Iowa Caucus will be for the future of our country. I've been so sick of hearing about the caucus that I try not to even think about what is happening today. But, it seems that I can no longer put off thinking about this paramount event in U.S. history. Today, my little brain, already stuffed to the gills with useless information, finally woke up and cried, "What the hell is a caucus? And why in the hell is it in Iowa of all states?"

I went to ThisNation.com to find out the answers I've so desperately avoided knowing. Here's what I learned:

Iowa's process for choosing between presidential candidates is unique among the fifty United States. Every other state has a more traditional primary election in which registered voters can cast their ballots for the candidates they prefer. In Iowa, however, voters in each political party attend separate, small meetings, or caucuses, in towns and neighborhoods across the state. Caucuses are held at the precinct level in schools, fire stations and sometimes even in individual's homes (Say Whaaaa? I want a caucus in my house!).

At the caucuses, those in attendance indicate their support for the candidates competing for each party's presidential nomination. In the Democratic party caucuses, votes are cast by raising hands (are you f-ing serious?), a sign-in sheet (no, seriously...this can't be right) or by splitting into groups supporting each candidate (oh...I get it...it's KINDERGARTEN!). In the Republican caucuses, votes are cast by secret ballot (paranoid bastards).

The results of the caucus voting, however, do not directly determine which candidate will win the support of Iowa's voters for the presidential nomination (Oh, so it's pretty much pointless. Just as I thought.) Both party's state conventions are held in June. Only then, when state convention delegates cast their votes for delegates to the national party conventions, that Iowa's preferred presidential candidate's in each major party will be determined.

Ahhh, isn't democracy easy and fun? I can't wait to hear the explosive results of such a riveting event for the next week. Oh yeah, and I also found out that the caucus is held in Iowa because that state is lame, just like the caucus itself.