On behalf of my wife and I, This post is for all of those waitresses and waiters out there, especially at The Olive Garden, who too frequently visit our table while we are eating to see how we are doing and if we need anything else. Trust me when I say that we are fine and if we are in dire need of something, one of us will track you down the next time you walk by. If we didn't need a new soda or extra cheese on our Tour of Italy or shrimp fettuccine two minutes ago, odds are we are not going to need it now. I find it extremely frustrating when I am trying to have a pleasant conversation with my wife and I am continuously interrupted with, "Is your food okay?" Do you really have that little confidence in your food that you must ask repeatedly if we are enjoying it? Should I be worried about my food for some reason? Did it fall on the floor or is it laced with some sort of narcotic? If so, then we have a whole other issue that needs to be addressed. I'm fine! Leave me alone, please, and let me and my wife eat in peace. Thank you.
Oh, one more thing. We would like you to visit our table at the end of the meal to give us our check so we can leave and finish our errands. See, we sort of expected you to be visiting our table every minute on the minute, so when you disappear for 15 minutes after we are done eating, we get a little frustrated. To summarize, come less often during the meal unless you see that we need something - in that case just bring it and don't feel the need to converse with us - and come more often at the end of the meal to get our plates off of the table and give us our check. Geesh!
UPDATE: Dear Olive Garden waitress, If you belong to this group, please disregard this open letter of hatred and accept my sincere apologies.
UPDATE #2: Boy, did I have some spelling errors in that post. They have been corrected. I hope this doesn't hurt my street cred with the literary circle in academia.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
10 Piece Media McNuggets - They're Baaaaaack
By popular demand (ahem...Chris) the Media McNuggets portion of this blog has returned. Savor every bite because, like the McRib, who knows when they will return.
10. Budget cuts forcing you to cut back at the office? Just be glad you don't work at the following office:
9. Don't you just hate it when you are almost blinded by a defective thong? The following quote pretty much sums up this story: “I was putting on my underwear from Victoria’s Secret, and the metal popped into my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That’s what happened.” Riveting.
8. This list of 100 new classic movies of the last 25 years was a pretty good read, though I'm disturbed that Forrest Gump and American Beauty, two of my favorite movies from the 90's, are absent from the list. I think the editors at Entertainment Weekly are forgetting that Forrest Gump was the Oscar winner for best picture over their number one choice.
7. So, a whole bunch of girls at a high school in Massachusetts made a pact to get pregnant so they could raise their children together. Another reason why Juno is ruining our society.
6. I try to resist the temptation to blog about Britney Spears, but when a picture like this exists in the world, how can you not?
5. Something about the following animated GIF is out of place, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
4. I could probably fill this entire list with SNL Digital Shorts. In case you missed it, here's one from earlier this season that made me laugh. Fred and Sharon would be so proud.
3. This is for all of the men out there. I began crying with laughter after number 9 and it just kept going after that.
2. The trailer for Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman looks amazing. Let's hope it's more like Moulin Rouge in style than Pearl Harbor.
and the #1 McNugget is...
1. Viva La Vida by Coldplay. Do yourself a favor and buy this album. It's a huge step forward for the band, as if they needed to take another step forward. If you can't afford the whole album, download Lost!, Yes, Lovers In Japan and Strawberry Swing (assuming of course that you've already purchased their most successful single Viva la Vida.) Since I can't link to the album for your listening enjoyment, how about the Sonic ad for Mac?
That's all for this week. Maybe next week the McNuggets will return meatier and juicier than ever.
10. Budget cuts forcing you to cut back at the office? Just be glad you don't work at the following office:
9. Don't you just hate it when you are almost blinded by a defective thong? The following quote pretty much sums up this story: “I was putting on my underwear from Victoria’s Secret, and the metal popped into my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That’s what happened.” Riveting.
8. This list of 100 new classic movies of the last 25 years was a pretty good read, though I'm disturbed that Forrest Gump and American Beauty, two of my favorite movies from the 90's, are absent from the list. I think the editors at Entertainment Weekly are forgetting that Forrest Gump was the Oscar winner for best picture over their number one choice.
7. So, a whole bunch of girls at a high school in Massachusetts made a pact to get pregnant so they could raise their children together. Another reason why Juno is ruining our society.
6. I try to resist the temptation to blog about Britney Spears, but when a picture like this exists in the world, how can you not?
5. Something about the following animated GIF is out of place, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
4. I could probably fill this entire list with SNL Digital Shorts. In case you missed it, here's one from earlier this season that made me laugh. Fred and Sharon would be so proud.
3. This is for all of the men out there. I began crying with laughter after number 9 and it just kept going after that.
2. The trailer for Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman looks amazing. Let's hope it's more like Moulin Rouge in style than Pearl Harbor.
and the #1 McNugget is...
1. Viva La Vida by Coldplay. Do yourself a favor and buy this album. It's a huge step forward for the band, as if they needed to take another step forward. If you can't afford the whole album, download Lost!, Yes, Lovers In Japan and Strawberry Swing (assuming of course that you've already purchased their most successful single Viva la Vida.) Since I can't link to the album for your listening enjoyment, how about the Sonic ad for Mac?
That's all for this week. Maybe next week the McNuggets will return meatier and juicier than ever.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
The Other U.S. Open
When I think of the U.S. Open, I immediately and only think of the obvious tennis tournament held in late August in Queens, NY. You know, the one Roger Federer has won for the past four years? Well, out of complete boredom and perhaps because of all of the golf-themed Father's Day cards I was perusing the other day, I tuned into the U.S. Open golf tournament for the first extended period of time in my life and I have to say I enjoyed it.After a while I started getting just as excited as I do during tennis tournaments. Of course, I know just enough about golf to understand and enjoy what I am watching and who doesn't know about the legend of Tiger Woods? I've willingly tuned into some tournaments to watch a little of the action, but it was never as exciting to me as it was last night.
Tiger's back nine play on Saturday night seemed nothing short of mastery. Battling an injured knee and tee shots deep in the rough, Tiger's "comeback" started to reminded me of Pete Sampras' epic battle with Alex Corretja in the 1996 U.S. Open. After hearing the roar of the fans when Tiger eagled hole 13, it was impossible not to feel excited. I even started thinking that I may need to start taking some golf lessons so I can enjoy the game more. Maybe for the time being I will just try to master Wii Golf.
I always wondered why Father's Day and golf seemed so synonymous - now because of the U.S. Open tournament, I understand.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Forgotten Art of the Transition
This video is just too damn funny. This guy must study the Ron Burgundy style of news reading, where he literally just reads everything on the teleprompter. I wish there was a follow up video of the next day at the office between the co-anchors.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
These Hard Times
I don't often write about politics or the state of our Union, but with things going the way they are in this country, it's hard to sit by and say nothing. I just heard on The Nightly News that many professionals in the energy and oil business strongly believe that gas prices will hit $6 a gallon, at least, by the end of this summer. That is ridiculous.
Because of the rise in oil prices, American Airlines has decided to charge for any checked baggage, a service that has always been free. People will no longer be able to travel period if this continues. It's only a matter of time before bus, train and metro prices rise to level of airfare.
Truckers are using cocaine and speed to stay awake so that they can make more deliveries because the gas prices are so bad. So now when we are driving to work (which we soon will not be able to afford) we are at risk of getting killed by a coked-out truck driver trying to deliver cases of oil to Jiffy Lube, whose Signature Service will most likey soon rise to $400 every three months.
All of this while companies like Exxon-Mobile and BP report record profits in the tens of billions! BILLIONS! Yet, Americans can't not buy gas. Even if we take public transportation, it takes gasoline to get a bus or train moving. No one is proposing a viable alternative to oil as an energy source. Why? Because oil makes people ridiculously rich and as long as those people are rich, they will have power...power to keep things running exactly the way they have been and will be for years to come. We need to find a better way to do things before we're all forced to give up entertainment, Christmas, cell phones, general hygiene products, food and Nintendo Wii. If we don't, we are all going to die of ragey-rabies sooner than we think!
Because of the rise in oil prices, American Airlines has decided to charge for any checked baggage, a service that has always been free. People will no longer be able to travel period if this continues. It's only a matter of time before bus, train and metro prices rise to level of airfare.
Truckers are using cocaine and speed to stay awake so that they can make more deliveries because the gas prices are so bad. So now when we are driving to work (which we soon will not be able to afford) we are at risk of getting killed by a coked-out truck driver trying to deliver cases of oil to Jiffy Lube, whose Signature Service will most likey soon rise to $400 every three months.
All of this while companies like Exxon-Mobile and BP report record profits in the tens of billions! BILLIONS! Yet, Americans can't not buy gas. Even if we take public transportation, it takes gasoline to get a bus or train moving. No one is proposing a viable alternative to oil as an energy source. Why? Because oil makes people ridiculously rich and as long as those people are rich, they will have power...power to keep things running exactly the way they have been and will be for years to come. We need to find a better way to do things before we're all forced to give up entertainment, Christmas, cell phones, general hygiene products, food and Nintendo Wii. If we don't, we are all going to die of ragey-rabies sooner than we think!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Mid-Year Music Checkup
Wow...this has got to be the most unoriginal blog post title to date. Anyhow, 2008 is almost halfway over so I thought it would be a good idea to check in on what's rocked my lobes so far this year. With most of my money going towards gas these days ("Don't get me started, don't even get me started"), I haven't had the chance to buy a lot of music this year. Luckily, Coldplay came to the rescue by giving their first single, Violet Hill, away for free. This brings me to my top pick of the year so far...
1) Coldplay! - I love this band, and from the sounds of the two songs I've heard so far, all of America is going to fall in love with them too (if they haven't already) with the release of their fourth studio album, Viva La Vida. Strings?? Church Bells??? Synthesizers???? Awesome!
2) Gavin Degraw - Not sure about the self-titled album title, but the material on his sophomore effort is rock solid. In Love with a Girl is as hooky, yet lyrically sound as ever, but the hidden gem on this record is Let It Go.
3) I'm Yours by Jason Mraz - If you bought Mraz's second album on iTunes in 2005, you likely know this song. It was included as a bonus track and among the better songs on the entire album. Remixed and with a more upbeat tempo, it's now the lead single on his third album We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. Somehow the lyrics are more fitting now then they were when the song was originally released.
4) Sheryl Crow - I've blogged enough about Sheryl this year, but this album is definitely worth purchasing. Some of you may be shocked that she only lands at #4 on this list. To be honest, I've stopped listening to the CD and it's only been three months! I think I listened to it way too much the first month and needed a serious Sheryl break. I promise I'll start listening again soon. If you don't feel like buying the entire album, at least purchase Diamond Ring and Make It Go Away (Radiation Song), songs that will never reach radio but are definitely worth your hard earned 99 cents.
5) Singles - I'm digging Take A Bow (Rihanna), Sweet & Low (Augustana), Nine in the Afternoon (Panic at the Disco), Falling Slowly (Oscar winners Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova), Stop & Stare (One Republic), Realize (Colbie Caillat), Trying to Stop Your Leaving (Dierks Bentley), Laughed Until We Cried (Jason Aldean), Say (John Mayer), How Far We've Come (Matchbox Twenty).
Things I'm over:
1) Madonna and Mariah. Stop making music, please.
2) The word Shawty (Shorty, Shortie, etc.) in every freaking song! Having that word in your song does not make your song good. Stop using it. Immediately.
3) Taylor Swift. Such a dilemma here - she's a talented songwriter and pretty hot, but has anyone else noticed that she can't sing? Isn't that a problem for a professional singer?
4) Sara Bareilles' Love Song - She's awesome and the song is great, but that doesn't mean it needs to be used in every commercial, movie soundtrack, Valentine's Day highlight package, etc. The song is over. Move on, please.
5) British People besides Coldplay - Corrine Bailey Rae came along and sounded cool. Then Lily Allen, who wanted to be the opposite of CBR, came onto the scene. Then Trainwreck Winehouse won a whole bunch of Grammy's. Now there's Duffy and Adele. They are all the same person and all fighting to sound cool with a throwback sound. Newsflash - you all sound the same, which makes you uncool. How about some originality?
That's it for my half-year roundup. Feel free to leave me some comments and tell me what you are listening too.
1) Coldplay! - I love this band, and from the sounds of the two songs I've heard so far, all of America is going to fall in love with them too (if they haven't already) with the release of their fourth studio album, Viva La Vida. Strings?? Church Bells??? Synthesizers???? Awesome!
2) Gavin Degraw - Not sure about the self-titled album title, but the material on his sophomore effort is rock solid. In Love with a Girl is as hooky, yet lyrically sound as ever, but the hidden gem on this record is Let It Go.
3) I'm Yours by Jason Mraz - If you bought Mraz's second album on iTunes in 2005, you likely know this song. It was included as a bonus track and among the better songs on the entire album. Remixed and with a more upbeat tempo, it's now the lead single on his third album We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. Somehow the lyrics are more fitting now then they were when the song was originally released.
4) Sheryl Crow - I've blogged enough about Sheryl this year, but this album is definitely worth purchasing. Some of you may be shocked that she only lands at #4 on this list. To be honest, I've stopped listening to the CD and it's only been three months! I think I listened to it way too much the first month and needed a serious Sheryl break. I promise I'll start listening again soon. If you don't feel like buying the entire album, at least purchase Diamond Ring and Make It Go Away (Radiation Song), songs that will never reach radio but are definitely worth your hard earned 99 cents.
5) Singles - I'm digging Take A Bow (Rihanna), Sweet & Low (Augustana), Nine in the Afternoon (Panic at the Disco), Falling Slowly (Oscar winners Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova), Stop & Stare (One Republic), Realize (Colbie Caillat), Trying to Stop Your Leaving (Dierks Bentley), Laughed Until We Cried (Jason Aldean), Say (John Mayer), How Far We've Come (Matchbox Twenty).
Things I'm over:
1) Madonna and Mariah. Stop making music, please.
2) The word Shawty (Shorty, Shortie, etc.) in every freaking song! Having that word in your song does not make your song good. Stop using it. Immediately.
3) Taylor Swift. Such a dilemma here - she's a talented songwriter and pretty hot, but has anyone else noticed that she can't sing? Isn't that a problem for a professional singer?
4) Sara Bareilles' Love Song - She's awesome and the song is great, but that doesn't mean it needs to be used in every commercial, movie soundtrack, Valentine's Day highlight package, etc. The song is over. Move on, please.
5) British People besides Coldplay - Corrine Bailey Rae came along and sounded cool. Then Lily Allen, who wanted to be the opposite of CBR, came onto the scene. Then Trainwreck Winehouse won a whole bunch of Grammy's. Now there's Duffy and Adele. They are all the same person and all fighting to sound cool with a throwback sound. Newsflash - you all sound the same, which makes you uncool. How about some originality?
That's it for my half-year roundup. Feel free to leave me some comments and tell me what you are listening too.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A Promise I Couldn't Keep
I know in my previous post I mentioned that I was reinvigorated and ready to blog the night away again. Immediately after I wrote that, something happened that has caused me to reassess my previous statement: I became the proud papa to a beautiful little puppy. I can't go into details about how cute he is because he is currently eating my work socks, but I can attach some pictures and let you judge for yourself how irresistible his little cute face is.
So, in an effort to not make anymore false promises...I'll be blogging again when Thunder (or Thunder-Pants as we like to call him) isn't eating daddy's work socks.
So, in an effort to not make anymore false promises...I'll be blogging again when Thunder (or Thunder-Pants as we like to call him) isn't eating daddy's work socks.
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